“Close encounter of the A.I. kind!”

It’s no secret among my family and friends that when it comes to the handling of raw ingredients (such as raw chicken and meats, and especially raw eggs), I’m a freak. As soon as that egg gets cracked open, the hairs on my back curl up, and I can see it. The Salmonella spreading all thru my kitchen and the air, and The End of Times getting nearer and nearer. And civilization as we know it is doomed to exist!

You get my grip, right? LOL!

So it happened yesterday. The end of Times, right in my very own kitchen.

These are the events that transpired in my kitchen.

It had all started a couple of days ago when I decided to expand my baking abilities and venture off into making a cake with all the flavors of my favorite Peruvian dessert. Suspiro Limeno.

So I spent some time researching the web up and down, until I found this really good recipe that embedded each of the flavors from this delicious, moist and caramelized dessert, all wrapped up in a cake.

And so, yesterday, as I was baking, I must add that it was all turning out to be a relaxing day, doing what I loved to do most aside from blogging, baking! The moist and sweet layers of cake had been baked and cooled. The Dulce de Leche filling with a tad hint of Pisco had been mixed and smeared between the two layers. And the topping, this Italian meringue technique (which I had never done before – and I can’t believe I have to admit to that since I am actually an avid baker) calling on its egg whites to get whipped to a high speed until foamy and glossy, and they were on their way to forming peaks.

The Italian meringue technique had called for a sweet syrup made up of boiling water and granulated sugar with a drip of Pisco liquor that needed to be poured slowly while the egg whites continued to be whipped in the mixer. And this is where The End of Times happened. Eek!

I was supposed to pour the syrup in its boiling form. But I waited a little bit too long until the syrup boiled no longer and the temperature had gone from boiling to just hot. Then I poured the syrup while finishing whipping the egg whites.

And so next, the inevitable happened. Call it a baker’s instinct to always taste what they’re making but I detached the whipping tool, and then licked the tip.

I. Licked. Egg Whites! I licked…egg…whiiiites!!!

I had licked egg whites that had been ‘cooked‘ only by the mercy of a warm syrup.

I panicked! Like a crazy chicken!

Immediately, I reached for my phone and did what any other desperate person who has access to the internet would do. I went to my search engine and typed in a flash, “What happens when I eat raw egg whites?”

And boom! The answer. A 3-paragraph explanation done by none other than the infamous A.I.(Artificial Intelligence) explaining the results. “You can get food poisoning by Salmonella“. And then it listed all its side effects.

As I read the ten bullet-points and all that could potential happen between 6 hours and 6 days, I wanted to faint!

“…may cause severe diarrhea, fever, and cramps…”

“…may prevent your body from absorbing biotin and prolonged deficiency can lead to hair loss, skin rashes, and neurological symptoms…”

Gigi, don’t panic!

I took a few deep breaths because I was starting to feel sick. Then, after the tenth deep breath, I typed, “What if you poured a hot syrup into the egg whites while being whipped?”

Then ‘he’, this A.I. thing, replied, “The intense heat of the syrup cooks the egg proteins instantly, pasteurizing it while creating a structure that will not collapse.” And at the bottom it asked me, “Are you attempting at making Italian meringue?“

I typed, “Yes!” And it gave me an entire process of how to do Italian meringue.

Ok, A.I., don’t get off the subject. I was panting but at least from what he had said I was safe (mind you that I was beginning to think this thing I has conversing was really a ‘he’).

But…wait a minute, I remembered I’d had let the syrup cool a bit before pouring it into the egg whites.

So then I typed, “What if the syrup was not boiling but was somewhat hot?”

He just plainly said, “If the syrup is hot but not boiling, you will likely end up with a soupy, unstable meringue that collapses quickly. The syrup must reach a specific boiling temperature to properly cook the egg whites and create a stable structure.“

Oh dear, oh dear, dear. I truly had begun feeling sick again. Because it seemed that from what he’d been telling me, the egg whites had not been properly cooked. They were raw. They. Were. Raw! Don’t panic, don’t panic.

I typed again, “What if I just licked the whipping tool, can I still get sick?”

And the A.I. replied, “The CDC estimates that only about 1 in 20,000 eggs contains Salmonella. Because you only consumed a single spoonful, the statistical chance that you ingested enough bacteria to get sick is very small…“

Ok, good.

But then. Snap! An idea just exploded in my head. Pisco! Alcohol! Instant stomach sanitizer. Brilliant! So I went rushing back to the kitchen and poured myself two shots of Pisco down my throat. And it burned! Both shots. But who cared if my throat was on fire. The Pisco could have done the trick, right? Kill all that nasty Salmonella I had just ingested?

So then, why not add to this questioning session – which I was finding quite interesting, “What if I drank shots of Pisco, could it kill the bacteria?”

“No, drinking a shot of Pisco will not kill Salmonella bacteria in your stomach or prevent food poisoning.”

Great. I had perhaps made it worse since I’d previously treated myself to a full glass of wine while taking a break from the baking, and now two shots of Pisco? I was definitely not helping myself. In fact, I was beginning to feel light-headed. Tipsy.

I went back to the phone and continued to read that – quite interesting – after the entire explanation, he asked me all the way at the bottom of the page, “Tell me if you are physically feeling ill, or anxious.“

I could not believe this thing had asked me such question. How considerate, how attentive. I typed, “I feel physically good, just nervous about the whole thing.”

He then replied, “It is completely normal to feel nervous after a kitchen mishap, but the fact that you feel physically good right now is a great sign. You can take a deep breath—statistically, the odds are heavily in your favor.” Then as if a general physician would do so, he gave me pointers on why I can relax (‘…the odds are in your favor…incubation periods…my stomach acidity…’).

And then, to make things more awkward, it also gave me pointers on what to do next, how to distract myself by sipping some water, watch a show, and try to step away from search engines. LOL!

And then soon after, he gave me an advise. An advise! He wrote, “Treat this as a harmless culinary learning experience. Your body is highly resilient.”

By the end of the session I wanted to call this A.I. my personal doctor.

I sat at my bed, discarded the phone aside, and breathed out. I just couldn’t believe I’d had half-hour conversation with someone who doesn’t exist!

So as I continued to lay in my bed for some time, half tipsy from the wine and then the Pisco shots, and the other half reminiscing on what had just happened this afternoon, I was left baffled, dumbfounded by Technology and this A.I.guy, this thing, this it, whatever it was that had spoken to me, held my hand, and carried me thru this End of Times.

The sad part is that I did eventually threw the cake away. I had planned on bringing it to my friend’s gathering at night but I would just not be able to sleep thinking if Tom could have ended up in ER, or that Carol had to be placed in intensive care, or that Shirley was at home bracing for life. I just couldn’t. So there it went, down the tall-kitchen trash can.

Today, I woke up with a hangover (for crying outloud!). But you know what? I will take A.I.’s advise and learn from this experience. A suggestion to whomever wants to venture off into baking something today, don’t drink and bake. You could set off the End of Times.